Well, the primary season has begun, so we can finally forget all those useless and ignorant speculations about what will happen next and report the actual results of the Iowa caucuses followed by useless and ignorant speculations about what will happen next.
Donald Trump eked out a victory in the Iowa contest by winning over several key voting blocs, including Iowans, other Iowans, and the rest of the Iowans. With Trump winning 98 of Iowa’s 99 counties and with the 99th county being populated only by a guy named Homer who thought the caucuses were on Thursday instead of Tuesday because both days begin with a ‘T’ and it’s easy to get them confused, Trump’s opponents were left splitting the rest of the state, which consists of a little town named Doon, whose votes are suspect because they spell Doon D-o-o-n, so they obviously have no idea what they’re doon.
In the wake of…
