In the wake of two attempts on Donald Trump’s life, government officials are hard at work trying to determine why so many assassins are trying to kill a man government officials want dead. In their fearless pursuit of the truth, the Justice Department this week released a letter from the latest would-be killer in which the gunman offered $150,000 to anyone who would finish Trump off.
In an appearance before the news media, Attorney General Merrick Garland said, “I am absolutely appalled that this vicious criminal would offer so much money for what would be fifteen minutes’ work, twenty tops. It’s a very dangerous precedent. After all, just imagine what someone could buy with that much money! Even if you had to lay out, say, 6K for the sniper rifle, you’d still have enough left to buy almost anything you wanted. And boy oh boy, don’t the girls go for a man who flashes that…
