Fine. I’ll Be the Next Speaker of the House

Following yesterday’s edition of the ongoing congressional version of the Ziegfeld Follies, I have made a difficult but likely long-overdue decision. I am officially announcing my availability to be the next Speaker of the House. Now, I know what many of you who are familiar with me might be thinking. I’m well into my sixties, my family has a history of dementia or cognitive impairment in our later years, I’ve clearly made some questionable decisions over the course of my life, and I’ve frequently been seen having a cocktail far too soon after lunch. If you’re suggesting that I would be better suited for the presidency at this point, I can’t really argue, but the position is currently filled. But since nobody else seems to want the job as Speaker, I may as well give it a whirl.Read More