With a few subtle changes, the article you’re about to read would appear to be satire.
The New York City Police Department, beset by out-of-control crime, repeat violent offenders released back to the streets, a growing invasion of illegal aliens, and Democrat politicians who won’t let officers do their jobs has taken matters into its own hands — by banning facial hair and wearing newly designed uniforms.
“Huh?” you ask.
The NYPD is going “old school,” according to Chief of Patrol John Chell, who told department brass at a recent Compstat meeting at One Police Plaza:
Uniform changes are coming rather quickly. No more beards in about a week. No open collars in about a week. We’re going back to weather restrictions on knit caps.
Basically, what I’m telling everybody in this room is we’re going back to old school. We’re going to bring back some traditions that we kind of…
